It started with LGBT. An acronym that included Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans persons. Since the last few decades has seen more support with the LGBT movement and subsequently greater media exposure, albeit gradual, it is important for society as a whole to understand the differences in the labels and why the acronym has extended to LGBTQIA+.
What is ‘+’? What is ‘I’ and ‘A’?
Some people outside (and within) the community are seeing the development of the newer terms as an annoyance or simply challenging because they can’t keep up with the changes. Frustrations are also emerging due to not knowing how to refer to someone from the LGBTQIA+ collective.
Not all of those who identify within the the LGBTQIA+ family wish to be restricted to one label and some wish to use no label at all. Some may even vary between the definitions and terms that have derived over the last few decades as often as they like and we are all very much free to express ourselves as we please.
The spectrum of the LGBTQIA+ rainbow is broad and mostly covers people who are not considered to be entirely sexual or assigned to a specific gender.
One important thing to note is the definition of ‘Cis’ or ‘Cisgender’. The term ‘Cis’ is used as a prefix to female or male, i.e. ‘Cis-female’ or ‘Cis-male’ and also ‘Cissexual’.
The definition of ‘Cis’ is ‘ a term for people whose gender identity matches the sex that they were assigned at birth.’ This may be referenced throughout the list below.’
Now, more than ever is the time to explore all labels within the colorful LGBTQIA+ spectrum and by doing so is an act of respect and inclusion to those who shine a bright light of non-conformity.
Remember, we are all individual and we all have emotions, feelings, and preferences.
Let us harmonize our world by treating one another with the respect and space we deserve in order to promote freedom and diversity for all!
Take a few minutes to explore some of the widely used LGBTQIA+ definitions and consider using the correct terminology when you meet a member of the community.
If you’re not sure, you can always ask the person how they wish to be addressed.
L – LESBIAN
Lesbian is defined as ‘those who identify as female who is involved in a sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual connection with other people who identify as female’.
‘Dyke’, ‘Kiki’, ‘Lesbo’, ‘Gay woman’, ‘Scissor Sister’, ‘Lez’, ‘Lezzie’, ‘Lezbo’.
Butch – A person who identifies as a female who’s attributes are aligned to that of a cis (typical) male. Usually shown with haircuts and clothing, an example would be short cut hair.
Femme / Lipstick – Usually a feminine person who identifies as female and who dresses like a cis (typical) female. Usually shown with hair, clothing, and possibly makeup. An example would be long hair and wearing a dress.
Though we can’t speak for all lesbians, we have over twenty-five years experience on the LGBTQIA+ scene and although acceptance is slowly growing, the following annoyances still exist and should be avoided when in the company of self-identifying lesbians:
- Have you been with a guy before? (It’s neither relevant and it’s nobody’s business to ask!)
- How do you know you’re a lesbian if you’ve never been with a man? (Often received from self-identifying heterosexual males, ask the same question, how do you know you’re not gay if you’ve never been with a man?)
- How do you have sex? (As above, sexual intimacy is nobody’s business!)
- Which one of you is the man? (Neither, the same way a knife is not a fork and a spoon is not a knife)
- I want a threesome with you. (Being part of the LGBTQIA+ community doesn’t mean we all want to explore everything sexually!)
- What do your parents think about you being gay? (Some people may not have parents alive which could trigger upset and they could have had a bad experience coming out which triggers painful memories!)
- How will you have kids? Will you use a donor? (Not so much a weird question but it’s a sensitive inquiry that could trigger upset so it’s probably best avoided)
- Do you use toys? (Nobody’s business!)
- Do you have a strap-on? (As above, blah blah blah)
- ‘Dyke’ is sometimes received offensively though others embrace the label. It’s best avoided unless you know the person is comfortable with the term, this applies to other slang words too!
Other labels that may be considered as Lesbian but have their own self-identification.
Boi, Androgynous, Intersex, Gender Fluid, Non-Binary.
Check out a list of openly lesbian celebrities.
G – GAY
Being Gay is officially defined as ‘Those who identify as male who is involved in a sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual connection with other people who identify as male.’
‘Friend of Dorothy’, ‘Homo’, ‘Fruitcake’.
Bears – Member of the Bear community as simply described by their physical appearances and how they’re likened to actual mammal bears. They’re often a burly or muscular man with a lot of body hair that usually consists of facial hair and exposed body hair. Members of the bear community usually dress in revealing clothing, sometimes leather or fetish wear and it’s important to remember though members of the bear community are typically gay, they can also be bisexual or fall into another category within the LGBTQIA+ umbrella.
Queens / Camp – Are typically gay men who have effeminate characteristics, i.e. they may have a soft voice, may walk, and dress in a typically feminine. Queens are often the life and soul of a party, lashing out humor and flamboyant facial and hand expressions. Though the term Queen or Camp is fully establishing on the LGBTQIA+ scene, they may be considered offensive so be sure to know the person before using either term. It’s also important to know that just because somebody identifies as a queen or camp, they’re not always gay!
Butch / Jock – As within the lesbian community, Butch or Jock gay men often hold characteristics of ‘stereotypical’ men, i.e. they’ll wear ‘masculine’ clothing, talk with a ‘masculine’ voice, they may work in a cis typical male-oriented role and they may also be discreet on the gay scene.
Fetish – Though bears may fall into this category too, there is a gay scene that focuses on fetish clothing, fetish undertakings, and fetish events. Subcategories within this are puppy play, human pups, leather bars, all things rope, rubber, cosplay right through to gas masks, feet, and food. Gay men within the fetish community often show up to LGBTQIA+ Pride events and are often the talking point of a pride parade!
Which one of you is top/bottom? (though it may be received with humor, it is a personal question about sexual practices that may not be received well by all as it’s nobody’s business to ask or to know)
- Which one of you is the girl? (the answer will always be ‘none of us’!)
- You’re the camp one.
- Does it hurt in the butt? (again, that’s nobody’s business!)
B – BISEXUAL
Often feeling left out of the LGBTQIA+, people identifying as Bisexual are sometimes subject to prejudice outside and within the community itself. But the B is just as bold as the other letters, I mean, imagine LGTQIA+, Bisexual people a very important part of the colorful family!
The official definition of being bisexual is an individual who experiences sexual and/or romantic attraction to people of different genders
Other words for Bisexuality
Sexually fluid. Ambisexual. Bi.
- How can you like both?
- You’ll have to choose which one you want to settle down with.
- I can’t be with a bisexual, they’re bound to cheat.
- You’re just greedy or confused.
T – TRANSGENDER / TRANSSEXUAL
Our wonderful trans community is so often received with misunderstanding and/or prejudice. We’ve seen the prejudice inside and outside of the community which is a painful sight!
Let’s skim over the differences between Transsexual and Transgender.
Transsexual is officially defined as ‘a person who emotionally and psychologically feels that they belong to the opposite sex.’
Transgender is officially defined as ‘denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.’
In short, there’s a fine line between the two but you might say that Transsexual is a feeling of being assigned the incorrect gender and is explored emotionally and internally, Transgenderism is more toward the physical change into the opposite gender from the birth-assigned.
It is also essential to note that transgenderism is nothing at all to do with sexual orientation.
If you were to meet a Trans male, you could neither assume that he is gay or straight, and referring to him as a lesbian is considered offensive as he is male. The definition for lesbian above is assigned to the female gender.
Other words used for Transsexuality / Transgender
Tranny (can be offensive). Drag Queen (are often entertaining performers). Trans (abbreviation).
- Do you still have a *insert term for genitalia*? It is so important to emphasize the irrelevance and ignorance of this question because it is still so commonly asked. The reason for knowing the answer is often unknown by the prayer and is often down to awkwardness or being downright invasive. A Trans person might have invested a lot of time, energy, and perhaps money on changing their physical appearance. It’s important to enter the mind of a trans person before asking anything. Imagine being born into a body you didn’t feel like was your own, inside you feel as though you’re the opposite gender. Asking a question like this may cause upset, annoyance, and possibly frustration and depression.
- How does your family feel about your change?
- How do you have sex?
- What if you wanted to go back?
Q – QUEER
The word ‘Queer’ has an evolutionary sort of story behind it. You may have heard an elder use the term to describe something which was ‘especially odd’. The word ‘Queer’ was once indeed a word used to describe something as ‘strange’. The term ‘Nothing as Queer as folk’ came around this era which translates to ‘there’s nothing as strange as people!’
Fast forward a half a century and BOOM, Queer is the new black. Queer is now being used as an umbrella term for those who do not identify as heterosexual and do not class themselves as cisgender.
So imagine a queer person as non-heterosexual and non-gender-conforming who don’t fit into lesbian, gay, bisexual, or trans labels.
Sexuality and gender are usually a beautiful mystery within the Queer community so it’s important to ask about pronouns (she, he, them, us, her, his) when you are conversing with a Queer person.
Using the wrong or assumed pronoun if often worse than asking which one is correct, so don’t be shy and get it right!
Members of the queer community are usually very much aware of the difficulty of others finding a relevant pronoun and will often provide help or be expecting a question or comment. Be sure to be open and honest and show respect to all members of the LGBTQIA+ fam.
Remember, other people within the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Trans communities don’t often identify themselves as ‘Queer’, though some do. Queer is also sometimes used in a derogatory way so approach everything with caution and discuss preferential labeling with your LGBTQIA+ friend.
I – INTERSEX
Intersex people are those who are born with variations in gender characteristics which can include an extra special concoction of chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals that are not aligned to the typical definitions for male and female bodies.
In other words, Intersex people are incredibly special!
It’s important to note that although Intersex is an inborn feature, the anatomy side of things doesn’t always show up at birth. The anatomy may crop up at puberty and some people aren’t even aware they have it unless tests on DNA are conducted.
For example, somebody may be born appearing to be female on the outside – with female genitalia – and they may have male-typical anatomy on the inside.
Or for example number 2, a person may be born with genitals that seem to be in-between the typical male and female types—a girl may be born with a noticeably large clitoris or lacking a vaginal opening, or a boy may be born with a notably small penis, or with a scrotum that is divided so that it has formed more like labia.
Or a person may be born with mosaic genetics so that some of their cells have XX chromosomes and some of them have XY.
Intersex people have their own spectrum, liking to the colors of the rainbow. Some feel more yellow, some more purple so it is important to always ask what pronoun and name they wish to be referred to and to never assume gender or sexuality.
Some people wonder what is the difference between an Intersex and a Hermaphrodite individual. The answer is that an individual who identifies as Intersex has gender chromosomes, hormones, and anatomy that differ from those expected of a typically born male or female. In other words, the inside differs from the out though intersex persons may also have discreet physical differences to those of birth-assigned gender.
The term Hermaphrodite is an older word that is less used due to the taboo surrounding it, pretty much like Gender Queer, it’s just outdated.
Hermaphrodite is officially defined as a living organism, including plants and insects, that have complete or partial reproductive organs and produce gametes associated with both male and female sexes.
Historically, the term hermaphrodite was used to describe dual genitalia.
‘Intersex’ has come into use for humans as the term hermaphrodite is considered to be misleading and stigmatizing. Intersex is a safer option to use when addressing an individual within the community and the term hermaphrodite is best kept for biology classes!
Other words used for Intersex
Non-Binary (this is a separate definition, see the description below). Hermaphrodite (this is generally considered an older term and irrelevant in this context. It can be very offensive. Intersex is a much cleaner and modern word to use). Trans (again, see the definition of Transsexual/Transgender above, the meaning are very different).
- Are you a man or a woman? (Replace with ‘how would you like to be referred to?)
- Did you have surgery to remove your genitalia? (A much more invasive and offensive question relating to this may be asked often, it’s nobody’s business to ask anything as personal as this. Stay within an amicable and impersonal border when communicating with anyone within the community.)
- So you’re Gay/Lesbian then? (Never assume sexuality based on gender expression or physical appearance.)
A – AGENDER
Agender can be defined as a person who feels like they have no gender at all or they have no connection to any gender. The word Agender literally means “without gender”.
We must move with the times and understand that gender is not down to our biological sex and it is considered as an entirely separate component of a person’s identity. The last few decades alone have seen a surge in the exploration of gender, sexualities, and labeling within the LGBTQIA+ community. Things never to say to somebody who is Agender
- So that means you’re Asexual? (While some people who are agender might be asexual, do not assume that agender people do not desire sex or participate in romantic relationships.)
- But you were born male/female. (Not all of us live for a world of duality and not all wish to conform to labels that have been defined for us.)
- But you look male/female.
- Are you experiencing Gender Dysphoria?
- So you’re Genderfluid? (See the definition below for the differences)
- When will you make your mind up?
- Are you just confused?
A – ALLY
An Ally is a straight-up supporter of the LGBTQIA+community who does not identify with a label within the community! Allies are a growing community who are often family members, friends, colleagues, and associates of LGBTQIA+ members and they offer support and love!
In order to become an ally, one must offer support, love, and understanding to all those within the spectrum of the LGBTQIA+ rainbow. In other words, you’re an ally if you’re not LGBTQIA+ phobic!
Congratulations if you fall into the ally category! The LGBTQIA+ community needs you and your support as we continue to grow and tune into ourselves and who we really are.
You’ll find allies attending gay pride celebrations and LGBTQIA+ community events.
Allies often wear or promote something in order to support the community, there are many famous allies of the LGBTQIA+ community including J.K Rowling, Cher, and Dolly Parton!
+ ANDROGYNOUS
Androgyny is considered a gender expression.
Androgynous or an ‘Androgyne’ is defined as someone who is a combination of male, female, or masculine and feminine. It’s safe to say that Androgyny has indeterminate gender alongside having the physical appearance of male and female genders.
Androgyne people are often referred to as one of the two genders, male and female, and may not wish to be referred to as either which is why they may prefer this label.
The term comes from Greek, andros means “male” and gyn means “female.
+ AROMANTIC
Aromantic people generally do not feel an attraction that would typically be defined as ‘romantic, i.e. love or lust or desire. But aromantisists may still practice sexual intercourse.
Though aromantics are not necessarily incapable of feeling the love they may still feel familial love or a platonic love between friends.
Anyone can be an Aromantic, even if they identify as Gay, Lesbian, Trans, Heterosexual or any of the other terms in the rainbow umbrella.
+ ASEXUAL
Asexuality is a sexual orientation such as Gay and Lesbian, and it is defined by a lack of sexual attraction to people of any gender.
Asexual people may still experience attraction but it is usually without sexual desire.
Anyone can be Asexual no matter how they identify.
+ BIGENDER
Bigender is a dual-gender identity where bigender individuals may adhere to two distinct personas from either female, male, or gender expressions such as androgyne and even no gender at all, being agender.
Flipping between two gender identities is known as ‘Bigender’ and individuals who identify as Bigender may also embrace all of the above.
+ BOI
Boi is a newer label given to those who express and embrace sexual or gender identities. Boi can be used to describe a person who wishes to identify as a male (ish) but is typically born female. The term Boi is not mutually exclusive but can include the following.
- A boyish lesbian, also known as Tomboy, Tomboi, Ladette.
- A butch lesbian.
- A trans man who is in the stage of transitioning or who has transitioned.
- A bisexual or gay male who may have feminine characteristics.
Bois generally do not identify as female so it’s best to ask if you’re unsure when using pronouns (we, they, them, us is always a good start!)
Trans Bois are also a growing community who embrace the label and are often also identifying as Genderqueer or Non-binary.
+ GENDER FLUID
+ GENDER QUEER
Sometimes referred to as GQ, Gender Queer is a term derived in the 1980s and can be defined as persons who do not identify to a gender/ sexual orientation. You could say Genderqueer is the umbrella term for many other LGBTQIA+ labels such as Bisexual is sitting under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella.
You could also say that Gender Queer has its own rainbow where gender identities float between Female, Male, and Nothing at all.
Some are set into a color of the rainbow, for example, I might be a ‘green’, slightly closer to female identification but I’m happier sitting in the middle of both, I likely have my whole life and I’m also likely to change and move into a purple as much as I’m likely to sit in a ‘yellow’.
People identifying as Gender Queer can be Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, Transsexual, Bisexual, Asexual, Pansexual, Intersex, or Gender Fluid +.
+ NON-BINARY
Non-binary has the same meaning as Gender Queer though it’s a newer term due to the rise in self-identifying Queer people within the community.
As with Gender Queer, there is gender spectrum that non-binary people identify with, and it’s a commonality within the Non-Binary community to have two or more genders as well as identifying as having no gender (such as Agender) and also fluctuating gender identity (gender fluid).
It’s important to remember that being Non-Binary does not determine a person’s sexual or romantic orientation and this will vary per individual. Never assume a sexual orientation or gender based on appearance! That’s the key here.
+ TRIGENDER
Trigender is a gender identity that represents an individual who alternates between three genders.
Remember…
Now you know some of the widely-used definitions within our gorgeous LGBTQIA+ community, all members of the rainbow alliance can choose several of the terms, or none, or a pick-n-mix of the above.
There are many more definitions within the community and it is likely more will pop up as we explore newer ways to identify ourselves and more freedom to do so.
It is important to always ask if you are not sure and never assume. Asking a person how they wish to be referred to isn’t usually as offensive as making the wrong assumption.
There are different labels within the rainbow umbrella that relate to gender identification and sexual orientation so many persons identify with several of the terms.
For example, I can be a Trans woman who is Aromantic and a Lesbian.
I can also be an Intersex person who identifies as a Boi and my sexual orientation is Bisexual.
I can be an Agender person who is also Androgynous and an Ally.
Change is the most positive starting point toward the evolution of a more inclusive world. As it stands, our LGBTQIA+ community are still subject to hate crimes and discrimination.
The very first step to eliminating hate towards the community is to understand the minds of the LGBTQIA+ people and respect their right to be addressed however they feel is apt for them.
It may be nothing to you, or you may see all of this as more ‘nonsensical labels’ but it means EVERYTHING to those within the rainbow alliance for you to make the effort to use the correct term.
It makes them feel good, feel accepted, and it allows embrace their inner and outer selves without judgment.
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